I have to tell you one thing about me that you might not know. As much as I fill this journal with cute things and happy wishes and generally warm and fuzzy times, I have wee bit of a coping problem. I mean, with the world. I cannot deal with it sometimes. More than sometimes...oftentimes. A wise, wise bird said to me yesterday (after my post about loving my own shop so much): "the secret to happiness is loving your own little world". I know that she is right, and I feel so grateful every day that I have that world to retreat to, that it is sustained almost entirely by and within myself. The problem is what lies beyond the borderlands of my world, a.k.a., "everything else".
I wanted to post yesterday, but I was too far down in the well to tell you anything at all. I tromped on over to the P.O. (umbrella in one hand, 25 packages in the other because it was raining) and the "emotional weather" outside was just so negative and terrible I just wanted to be a snail so much. Everyone I encountered was irritable and inconsiderate. By the time I struggled through my rendezvous with the USPS "robot" machine (who was also in a bad mood) I just wanted to curl up and die.
I know that this is terribly ramble-y, and I'll come back to blogging-earth in a second. It's just that I think it's important that anyone who is interested in me or my work or my life know that it's not exactly the the whole story that I present to you here...there is so much behind-the-scenes stuff that is dark and dingy or just plain un-fun, and that is me too. The wonderful thing about blogs is that they allow you to kind of "curate" your life for other people (and yourself!) The strange thing is how incomplete they can be. Thoughts?
On the flip side, here are a few things that are making me happy at the moment:
1.) the "What We're Eating" blog
These people seem to have a wonderful grasp on comfort and comfortish food. That's what I like to see!
2.) The prospect of visitors...I am a "looking-forward-to-things" junkie. Certifiable.
3.) Embracing my "grown up goth girl"ness. In part, by finally buying these long-coveted Fluevogs:
I mean, if those aren't the loveliest knee-high lace up boots ever made...Damn.
4.) These beautiful wall decals.
5.) Painting. Which I'm going to do a bit of now!
Happy Wednesday, loves.
Comments (37)
I think we all portray a sunnier life online. It's kind of nice to have a little world where we are all into crafts, art, etc. without any of the usual yucky stuff that we encounter in our day-to-day "real" lives. But we all know that nobody (save for those on lots of pills perhaps) is happy & cheerful 100% of the time. The world is a crap place in many ways...I love that we can escape to our cultivated little worlds when we need to. :)
Jessica · August 30, 2006 at 03:31 PM
As a fellow lover-of-my-own-world and disliking of the universe outside I am deeply inspired by the world you've created for yourself.
Reading you and looking at your work tangibly inspires me to throw myself into creating and loving my highly internalized life -- abandoning care or fear for how that appears from the outside. And not combatting with my true deep-down-to-my-tippy-toes nature has relieved *so much* stress. (Like, now I can see dealing with annoying situations as just something I have to deal with and then I can go home to this place I've made for myself that makes me happy. When I wasn't allowing myself a place that makes me happy out of embarrassment or whatever I was under constant stress instead of the highly specific and manageable stresses of unpleasant situations now. I hope that was parsable.)
So, thank you! And you're freaking adorable.
birdie · August 30, 2006 at 03:34 PM
erich fried's wonderful poem "es ist was es ist" always brings me back to center (like being on the pottery wheel). "it is what it is." everything. breathe it in for what it is and exhale it for it will never be just so again. good, bad or indifferent.
(p.s. great kicks)
jennifer · August 30, 2006 at 03:37 PM
oh, i do agree with you! and i love the imagery of "curating" your life for other people to observe. online or not, we all do that with our outward, worldly selves.
i adore your art! and your eye for design.
cheers!
rachel · August 30, 2006 at 03:46 PM
sometimes i feel like that, but siempre pienso que se va a pasar como una enfermedad, lo terrible es cuando dura mucho y ya no lo soportas, ....bueno ayer el clima tampoco me ayudo, asi que te entiendo..
Carmen · August 30, 2006 at 04:05 PM
I love this honest post, Emily. I try to never assume people's entire life is displayed on their blog. The honest and often hard stuff isn't fun to talk about but I'm so glad you did. I just want to say I know what you mean. xo
joleen · August 30, 2006 at 04:06 PM
PS- You're beautiful!
joleen · August 30, 2006 at 04:06 PM
hooray for the boots! !
I love your real life, p.s. more than your blog life even.
love,
your sister in dyed black hair
elizabeth · August 30, 2006 at 04:19 PM
Yippee!
Strange reaction I know but I always, always worry about people who are constantly happy.It just isn't at all possible.We all have our inner battles to fight it's just how we handle them that matters!
I like that we see the good stuff in life through blogs but a little fragility is so endearing!
Believe me you are too cute!!
Kristy · August 30, 2006 at 04:25 PM
I'm always reminded of how many-sided we all are, and how different we are in different surroundings, to different groups of people. Perhaps this side of identity is just as real as the "reality"? Just a thought :) It's all a dream anyway! And all is well when boots like that exist!
elisabetha · August 30, 2006 at 04:34 PM
I have lapses where I lay it out there in my blog, but for the most part I curate my life too. I don't have a problem with that as long as the curation is only censoring the bad out unless there is a true life lesson to be learned or shared in the story, then I just tell it like I see it.
I think my blog identity is somewhat accurate when the day is progressing as it should.
Fab hair in the photo.
Have a beautiful day.
teresa · August 30, 2006 at 04:49 PM
firstly, you always have the cutest clothes/things/etc. love.
secondly, yay for my Black Apple Sampler!!! can't wait till it arrives. :)
thirdly, I 100% get ya on the down in the dumps feelings. and you absolutely have to create your own little world of happiness! it is funny...how blogs are usually so cheery. although I know everyone has horrific experiences or super crappy days...or you know, watches the news and sees the state of this world in which we live. what better day to be down, though...than a rainy, dreary one? I almost look forward to those days...to just mope freely and "cry" along with the rain. it's good every once in a while. you have to have bad days to truly appreciate all the good moments in life.. :)
fourthly...those boots are fabulous and...I, too, am obsessed with blik (ok, maybe you didn't say you were obsessed..bear with me) and want at least 5 of the different designs. I've been agonizing, trying to decide which ONE i will end up with! love that new iron vines design, flock, the threadless ones, etc.
k, i'm out...this was a much longer comment than I intended.
.♥.
Jenn (knittyJenn) · August 30, 2006 at 05:11 PM
none of us are as happy and well adjusted as we make ourselves appear on our blogs. i love that yours has a positive slant, but know that you can be real with us anytime you need to be!!
lisa · August 30, 2006 at 05:30 PM
Wow, those are some delicious boots! Sport them and follow your star-
sam · August 30, 2006 at 07:36 PM
Hi Emily. I agree this is a great post, and a very important one. It's good for people to know that it's not all sunshine and rainbows in their favourite blogger's world, and it stops them from forming unrealistic expectations of how _their own_ lives should be.
People paint such beautiful pictures of their lives in their blogs, and anyone with low self esteem / a bit depressed can take it as reinforcement that their own life just aint that great. But the cruel twist is, we're all doing it to each other! All pretending to be more confident/happy/well rounded than we really are, and comparing ourselves to each other's facades. And the cycle continues.
Hehe, hope that rant made some sense :) Keep up all the awesome work.
Lara · August 30, 2006 at 08:09 PM
Greetings from Queens, New York. Thanks for sharing, your work, your art, your bits of your stories. I started reading your blog a few weeks ago. Being a New Yorkder myself,deal with rude people, carrying lots of stuff and walking a long way, I know how tough it can be sometimes. It is also hard to share not so fun and happy times on a blog.
Keep looking forward to all the good things in your life. Take Care! Thanks again for sharing.
Sonya · August 30, 2006 at 08:24 PM
Thanks for such refreshing and honest view of your own life, I applaud you for being so open and honest with your sharing. I just realized this last year, after my own personal struggles came to a head (woo-hoo.) that we are all going through a lot of the same things, yet, no one is talking about it! Which feels a little isolating don't you think? And as for being deep in the well...I understand that, I often retreat into what my good friend and I call "the M&M bag"...all dark and chocolaty and safe...a little world in which I thrive quite well sometimes.
Enjoy your new boots (I just bought myself a pair of Versace glasses frames) it's those "little things" that keep us from drowning...and, thank you for being such an amazing inspiration with all of your wonderful creations!
take a deep breath and love that little Goth girl for all she's worth, she's pretty amazing, you know?
sadira · August 30, 2006 at 08:38 PM
I feel relieved when I read someone doesnt feel peaches and cream all the time. Especially considering this year has been my most anxious, stressful and sickest. Its hard doing something that is completely self reliant, its stressful when its meant to be fun.
All artsists are meant to be abit loony though arnt they?
shannon · August 30, 2006 at 09:38 PM
I think it's great that your shedding a little light on your "other half". I have been wanting to start a blog for some time now and you just gave me the courage to do it! I was afraid that at times I might feel the need to be too honest, and let out some of the "messiness". But as I think about it, honest is refreshing. It's nice to know your not the only one out there that seemingly has it all together when what you really feel like is a frazzeled chicken! Thank you for being real Emily.
Stephanie · August 30, 2006 at 11:12 PM
Emily we all go through this kind of thing in our lives sometime. I had a fairly low period in my life last year, with work stresses, family stuff etc. But all in all it's great to see that you have created this fantastic little world of animals and other cute little beings that allow a wide audience to escape life.
Kelly Zarb · August 30, 2006 at 11:13 PM
Artists are always a little different. I think most art comes out of a sort of depression. I know I did some amazing work when I felt trapped in my life(I was the goth girl trapped in a preppy sheltered world. I had to present myself as the "perfect" preppy girl but my art told the truth of what was underneath) and pretty much all the artists I know have had their absolute best work in hard times or just out of a feeling of being different than others and not being just part of the corporate world like society expects from everyone. Your work is very pretty but there is definately an interesting personality behind it. I shouldn't used the word pretty to describe art I know its rude but I am not good with words. I am very attracted to your work because it goes way beyond the painting of the cute little children. Each one has a personality and envokes a different emotion. They each have a mischievous personality all their own. The eyes and your brush strokes tell a lot. Each one has a color palette to match the mood. Some blend more than others. I know when I painted it was hard to finish a painting if my emotions changed at all half way through. I used to show up to class and always had all my emotions explained to everyone by the teacher after a very brief description by me. The brush strokes, colors, materials, size. Everything that is put into a painting or sculpture or any artwork tells a story.
BTW those shoes are gorgeous.
Diana · August 31, 2006 at 01:59 AM
hey Emily,
I know it's tough to deal with people a lot of the time, and even tougher to write about it. But it helps a lot to know that so many other people feel the same way. Thanks...
car · August 31, 2006 at 10:26 AM
Long time reader- first time poster.
I mull over my entries A LOT! I am relatively new to the blog world, but when I started my first blog I set up rules and parameters- it was a crafts blog only, to document my work. Slowly my real life is creeping in, but it's still not my real life- it's an edited real life. So many bloggers seem to have these perfect lives, clean homes, perfect children, etc. but do we really want to read about cleaning the cat box or the reason someone sees a therapist? The trick is presenting ourselves as real people with real problems, all while creating wonderful work, in a way that is palatable for the reader. Heck, we all know that we clean the surface a little before photographing it.
shona · August 31, 2006 at 10:35 AM
The weather has been so dreary lately, maybe that's what brought you down. It's easy to get caught up in what's going on in the world and a lot of the times it's not good but at least you don't let it consume your daily life. At least the sun is out today in NY. :)
Marilyn · August 31, 2006 at 11:10 AM
you must be a Pisces?
Anne Sheridan · August 31, 2006 at 11:40 AM
"We have art to save ourselves from the truth."
- Friedrich Nietzsche
Wendy · August 31, 2006 at 12:52 PM
what an admirably honest entry! i've always wondered these very things, reading blogs from people who seems to never have a trace of sadness or ill will in my life, wondering if i could ever pull off a sunny side up summary of my days. this was a nice glimpse into the dark side :)
samantha · August 31, 2006 at 11:00 PM
Ultimately, this blog is for you. If you want it to be a haven from the more gritty side of things then that's what it should be. If you feel the urge to come clean to those of use who come to visit, to look at the things you make, and read your words, then you should. This place doesn't have to be exclusive to one or the other of those things...to anything. It lives and breathes and changes just like you do. This blog is another one of your creations. And just like a painting or a softy or whatever, it captures a moment, an emotion, a thought... None of it is a complete picture. None of it is the whole story. If there are people out there who think that it is, that's their shortcoming not yours.
Be well.
Sarah · August 31, 2006 at 11:58 PM
I think everyone has problems coping from time to time. The world is such a hard place, in so many ways, and we forget that other people have not-so-easy times, too. So I think your post was fantastic, just as a reminder to us all that no matter how successful someone is or how well things may be going for them on the outside, they have sad days and heartache and teary eyes every now and again, too. I think that a lot of the irritability and inconsiderateness would vamoose if everyone kept these things in mind when dealing with otehrs. But, of course, the only people we can control are ourselves. And you're providing so much happiness for others and beauty so I hope that on your bad days, you take comfort in that.
[end ramble]
KJ · September 01, 2006 at 12:26 PM
I also think what Diana said above is very true and I really believe it does take a sort of sensitivity to be an artist, or at least, it's a trait a lot of artists I've encountered (myself included) possess. So sometimes we take things a little harder. Just be nice and gentle with yourself.
KJ · September 01, 2006 at 12:28 PM
i hear you on this one...life is not always a bowl of cherries...but for me, on my blog, if i am so inclined, i will rant about something from time to time. i try not to make a habit of it,though, because my blog is meant to be a crafty one & a positive outlet for me...but we are human & it's perfectly all right to admit that we are. no one is perfect, no matter how squeaky clean they might appear on their blog...& your blog should be whatever YOU want it to be, no apologies. so you go girl & share your world to us!
cheers,
mary ann
mary ann · September 02, 2006 at 10:13 AM
i totally get it. btw, i love your work! you are super talented!
shobhana · September 02, 2006 at 07:22 PM
I love you just the way you are. If your life were just sunny day in and out, you wouldn't be half as interesting...even if all woes are not included here on your little space daily. Really... xo
Blair · September 03, 2006 at 12:01 PM
admired your work for some time now...love the blog... thanks for the decal hook up. They make me so happy!!
tyn · September 03, 2006 at 02:44 PM
oh my those boots are just to fabulosio! I discovered you through Lisa and i love every darn thing i have seen created by yourself! I admire your willingness to be vulnerable and REAL-sharing the full catastrophe living aspects and feeling of your life. THe truly amazing thing is you HAVe created your OWN world and you are LIVING it! Thus the world at large is a far better place. im off to roam around your site.
XO
MB
MARYBETH · September 05, 2006 at 04:59 AM
I read your blog and
I think I'm in love with you...
Rachel-Marie · September 06, 2006 at 03:06 AM
congratulations for "coming out" on that post. I did a similar one recently and felt much better about it. Interesting lots of my regular blog friends also admitted to various depressions etc. It definitely seems to go hand in hand with artistic talent. We just have to learn how to live with it and not waste our energy fighting. Which is I think exactly what you are doing my enjoying your world, no harm in that AT ALL. keep well.
Miss Dot · September 06, 2006 at 11:06 PM